Yoga Teacher Training day 9: The Pearl Is Inside

When I find myself in any state of non-acceptance, this is when I start to exert myself more intensely. I start to self-will it. Why I do this is curious because historical evidence weighs in against a positive outcome. Rather, the outcome is not what I thought 
I wanted to happen and usually it is for the better. I marinate in the pain of non-acceptance for awhile until the reality crystallizes and I am faced with a choice.

So let's peer into the essence of that moment when we are getting ready to bulldog it. In particular, a yoga pose is a prime example of a situation where we can exert ourselves in order to "win". Win the pose? We all know that is a somewhat silly statement when speaking of yoga. Yet, I myself have descended into the depths of self-competition only to come up empty-handed, like a pearl diver who keeps plunging into the North Branch of the Chicago River expecting to haul up a luminescent treasure that simply does not exist.

I am sure the ego is one of the culprits. Ego and perhaps fear.  Does one cause the other? I am not really sure but I know they can nicely coexist and when they do things get a little murky, just like the North Branch of the Chicago River.

But when I relax and take it easy, and focus on the breath I start to feel peace...maybe even joy. Things start to turn green again. I can be grateful for exaclty where I am able to take my physical body into the pose.
No judgment or wishing for what is not there. I can find joy in that moment and gratitude for where I am
and not for where I wish to be. And that is where the pearl waits: right within ourselves.


Namaste, Friends

Yoga Training: The "Science" of Yoga? Say what?!

So the question remains for me: what is yoga? 

Is it a sporty outfit from Lulu Lemon? Maybe.           Is it a pool of sweat surrounding my mat? Perhaps.   Is it a fall out of a posture and onto the floor that I can no longer hold? Definitely! 

And then there is the science of yoga. Yes, science. When I first heard these two words words put together, the sound of screeching brakes went off in my head. I am curious to know more about this. There are specific things that happen to our muscles, ligaments and nerves endings when we practice. 

Good things. Things that make you go "Whoa"! 

Since I was never good at science in school (sorry to Jeanne Fagan in high school chemistry...I was her partner and caused her much consternation...think Jerry Lewis with ADD) I was nervous about this concept.   But if you think about the sequences and  the human anatomy and what pose readies another, then it starts to resolve a bit. There is so much more. 

Yoga is quite a vast discipline. It's not all downward dog and a slap of the mat as it is hurled out onto the floor. It's not about "getting in shape", although it seems that yoga does provide this service. Some movements are very subtle but very powerful in their effects. It's certainly a journey of intersecting paths and meandering-meadows of self-discovery.  

But I digress. Back to nerve endings. Our feet, ankles, shins...have taken a beating. The shoes we wear have created a whole industry (Dr. Scholls) to deal with planar fascitis, bunions, etc. Recently, I was taught a pose that caused a bit of an unpleasant sensation in my ankle/shin region. It was intense. Not pain mind you, but a sort of low-grade screaming in this area.  P.S. I would be happy to show you this pose anytime.

Apparently it is the nerves in this area that have become deadened due to the footwear we love so well. We need our shoes, pumps, boots, Birkenstocks, joggers, hikers. I get it!
We all can't walk around like Cody on "Dual Survivor-Discovery Channel" who has not worn shoes in
like 15 years. But through the science of yoga we can reawaken areas in our bodies that long for new
energy. Nerves that have been suffocated can be regenerated. Sounds like science to me!

So, grab your mat and get to a class and reawaken your bad self! 

Namaste, Friends

Yoga Training Day 8: "What Lights You Up?"

 A student asked about which style of yoga was more suitable. Suitable to...what? A person's personality? A mood? A goal? Probably "yes" to all of these.The teacher talked about Iyengar, Ashtanga, Hatha....pick one. She has never said, "This style is the best", or "That style is not good" when speaking of various styles.

But she continued talking about this topic and ultimately closed with something that resonated with me:  "What light's you up?".

So, I thought about that. In yoga, it is the challenge of a complex pose, or simply being consistent in my practice. It is facing my fear on the mat and being open to whatever it is I am feeling in that moment. And the various styles certainly bring about different reactions for me. We are lucky. We live in a city that has a multitude of yoga studios, all with varying styles.

Sitting on my mat and being close to people I may or may not know is a bit unnerving at times.Certainly more so when I first started yoga. But depending on where I am at emotionally, it can still make me feel uncomfortable and that's okay.  I am no longer in control of the situation. I am vulnerable. There is no computer screen. I don't have my ipod in. I am not checking for the next text. I am not managing any situation...or anyone. There is no structure except that of  the teacher's vocal instructions stepping us through each pose or breathing exercise. I find a purity within this.

Some people say they find yoga to be too boring. I get that. We are so accustomed to stimulation from external sources. We are rushing from  home to job, to school, to meeting, to therapist, to Target, to Costoco. We are human doings. We run, take spin classes, go to movies, take trips, go to dinner.

And how lucky we are to have all of these activities.

Indeed, it feels quite unnatural to be in a yoga studio, slowing down and moving slowly...breathing in a way that is rhythmic and deep and un-rushed (if the breath is labored we are pushing too hard to "get" the pose...happens to me often). But what I find in yoga, when all of my focus is on my breath synchronizing 

with my movement, is that I can "see" my thoughts, I can feel that neediness to be somewhere else or to be  resolving some unresolved issue. Ah! But then I can pull back into the beauty and simplicity of just focusing
on breath, pose, acceptance, non-judgement....freedom.

That lights me up!

Namaste, Friends

Yoga Teacher traing Day #7: Thoughts creep in like a fog

"If you'd like to go deeper..." We talked about this in class yesterday. This refers to when the teacher will demonstrate one version of a pose and then a more advanced version...and                 sometimes even another level. I remember hearing this when           I first started yoga.  Can the teacher not see that I am shaking and grunting into the pose?! No, I did not want to go deeper. It is at these moments when my mind takes over and I start to judge. I judge me or maybe the teacher. I look at other students that are able to "go deeper" and tell myself I am not good enough. I might say to my mat, "I should not have picked you, you are not sticky enough!".

Whatever the mind digs up in those moments of challenge.

It is here that acceptance becomes part of a yoga practice. It is this concept, when I am beyond my capacity and I lose the beauty of breath and a calm, that I believe is the part of yoga that I strive to take off of the mat and into my everyday life. When am I beyond my limits or in a situation that I am no longer able to handle, do I dig my heels in and potentially create chaos because I am not in acceptance of some particular situation that is beyond my control? Or, do I take a moment and check with where I am and what is really going on behind the dramatic moment? Can I back off, breathe and walk away and find emotional balance?

For me, this is where the practice of yoga emulates life and where yoga teaches me lessons as to how I might better live my life and avoid struggle.

As I write this I hear the crowds cheering the runners for the Chicago Marathon. I can't run right now. My knee is adjusting. I have no idea when it will feel healthy enough to start running again. It is an opportunity to accept where I am.  A physical and concrete reminder. Pain. Limitation. Well, this is what I am talking about. Can I truly be okay without creating any judgement or negativity?

I have gone deeper over the years of my practice. I have been able to go deep into poses that I honestly thought would forever be beyond my grasp, beyond my ability. But I kept showing up on the mat. I imagine it is similar to those folks running the marathon.  For me progress in life was never a decision, a subsequent action and then straight line to victory and success. I am always re-grouping, re-motivating, recommitting.   And I accept that...sometimes.

But thoughts can creep in like a fog to obscure the progress that we make

A yoga class is often litmus test as to where I might be in my life. More often that I would like to admit, that wondrous moment of being in a pose that comes together and transcends effort and ego, is hard to come by in my own everyday life and in relations with others.

But when we find it...

When breath  flows like a cool brook

The gaze soft and steady

A smile of peaceful acceptance

And effort floats away like a bright autumn leaf, in a gust of wind

This is why I keep coming back to the mat....the fellowship

Namaste, Friends

Pranayama on the High Seas

I remember back in around 1984-ish, aboard the USS Midway (now a floating museum in San Diego),
we were having one of  our longed for "Steel Beach Picnics". After 45 days of consecutive sea time they would fly on beer and BBque and we would set up grills on the flight deck.  Each sailor got 2 Beer chits. I paid $ 40 dollars for 2 additional chits.
But that was then.

So, as I am walking along in a self-satisfied manner with my Budweisers proudly displayed in my hands like religious icons, I see a sailor laying on his back doing some sort of freakish breathing exercise. I looked at my friend in horror, took a swig of my rapidly heating Bud (we were in the tropics at that point).

Well, now I know what he was doing: Pranayama. This is the part of yoga that is concerned with breath and energy. It is probably the most important aspect in the practice of yoga. Why? Well, because when one struggles through poses without a smooth and proper breathing then the healing properties are not realized, injury is more likely to occur and the body gets stressed rather than nourished.

I was a long way from home, a long way from recovery and a long way from understanding that this particularly enlightened sailor that I had scoffed at was giving me a glimpse of something. My reaction
to what he was doing was pronounced. I was almost insulted by what I was seeing. Interesting how when the reactions are strong there is something down the road that makes one look back and say, "Oh, now I understand".

Last night I attended a Pranic Healing Workshop as an optional event for the teacher training program. Although the skeptic in my is still  alive and kicking, my mind has opened just a bit. Just enough for a little
light to shine through.

Now I am a long way from the USS Midway and Yokosuka Japan, a long way from
that last Budweiser and a little bit farther away from being closed minded to
new ideas and perspectives, I hope!

Namaste, Freinds

Yoga Teacher Training: Day #5

Day 5
Have I memorized my Sankrit chants yet? Not quite...I am finding that my ability to memorize lines has degraded. A friend recently suggested that maybe the training will improve that ability. We shall see. During this class we studied very basic Sanskrit vowel/consonant pronunciation and then some corresponding words. It really is a beautiful language. I was able to decipher one word from the Sanskrit symbols which translated to KAMALA, which means lotus (a specific variety). Ah, I was once able to memorize Japanese words with relative ease (and the use of the term relative here, um....is also relative).


As I struggle with the complex glottal, back-of-the-mouth, roof-of-the-mouth, tip-of-the-tongue pronunciations, I notice that my my accent sounds more Russian than Indian? I may end up sounding like Yakov Smirnoff  - The Yoga Instructor. Thankfully, learning the Sanskrit symbols is extra credit in class and not required. But it is good to study the root of the words in the language from which yoga was born.


Now for the knee. Last year I twisted it. I just turned on my left knee, keeping my booting firmly planted forward. Did I subconsciously do this in order learn from the pain that is now forcing me to pay attention to my practice? Maybe. It's taken this a long time to heal and it's not quite done yet. So, don't do that "keep the foot planted and turn suddenly on the knee" maneuver. And now, this little knee issue has resurfaced just as I started teacher training. 


The ensuing Shakespearean Tragedy I created in my head over this included:
"How can I be a teacher with a bum knee?", I said to my teacher. She replied,
 "I know many wonderful yoga teachers with knee issues, hip issues...
and because of that they are more aware and can be helpful to others in class 
with the same issues."


Another blow to my inner bully that keeps telling my to quit.


And the journey unfolds...like the lotus.


Namaste, Friends