"If you'd like to go deeper..." We talked about this in class yesterday. This refers to when the teacher will demonstrate one version of a pose and then a more advanced version...and sometimes even another level. I remember hearing this when I first started yoga. Can the teacher not see that I am shaking and grunting into the pose?! No, I did not want to go deeper. It is at these moments when my mind takes over and I start to judge. I judge me or maybe the teacher. I look at other students that are able to "go deeper" and tell myself I am not good enough. I might say to my mat, "I should not have picked you, you are not sticky enough!".
Whatever the mind digs up in those moments of challenge.
It is here that acceptance becomes part of a yoga practice. It is this concept, when I am beyond my capacity and I lose the beauty of breath and a calm, that I believe is the part of yoga that I strive to take off of the mat and into my everyday life. When am I beyond my limits or in a situation that I am no longer able to handle, do I dig my heels in and potentially create chaos because I am not in acceptance of some particular situation that is beyond my control? Or, do I take a moment and check with where I am and what is really going on behind the dramatic moment? Can I back off, breathe and walk away and find emotional balance?
For me, this is where the practice of yoga emulates life and where yoga teaches me lessons as to how I might better live my life and avoid struggle.
As I write this I hear the crowds cheering the runners for the Chicago Marathon. I can't run right now. My knee is adjusting. I have no idea when it will feel healthy enough to start running again. It is an opportunity to accept where I am. A physical and concrete reminder. Pain. Limitation. Well, this is what I am talking about. Can I truly be okay without creating any judgement or negativity?
I have gone deeper over the years of my practice. I have been able to go deep into poses that I honestly thought would forever be beyond my grasp, beyond my ability. But I kept showing up on the mat. I imagine it is similar to those folks running the marathon. For me progress in life was never a decision, a subsequent action and then straight line to victory and success. I am always re-grouping, re-motivating, recommitting. And I accept that...sometimes.
But thoughts can creep in like a fog to obscure the progress that we make
A yoga class is often litmus test as to where I might be in my life. More often that I would like to admit, that wondrous moment of being in a pose that comes together and transcends effort and ego, is hard to come by in my own everyday life and in relations with others.
But when we find it...
When breath flows like a cool brook
The gaze soft and steady
A smile of peaceful acceptance
And effort floats away like a bright autumn leaf, in a gust of wind
This is why I keep coming back to the mat....the fellowship
Namaste, Friends
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